Blog of Love

There’s a Vice article I read recently called “The Real Reason Women Fake Orgasms” that got me thinking. https://www.vice.com/en/article/the-real-reason-women-fake-orgasms/?fbclid=IwQ0xDSwL95hpleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHr1YACrEvgFhqznetLXiwGAESf5P4Wu8Tf8qT9bYcUKWUyNoDyjF_7H-irfq_aem_30VyzdhgSyaYtKGbijCQtg

It’s not just about sex or performance—there’s so much more under the surface: shame, pressure, self-worth, miscommunication.

I want to share some thoughts because I believe when we bring those hidden reasons into the light, we free ourselves to have more honest, connected, satisfying sex. And life.

What the Article Reveals

• Women often fake orgasms because they feel pressure to meet expectations—whether from partners, or internal expectations of what “good sex” should look like.
• It’s not always about their partner’s skills or desire. Sometimes the issue is that orgasms are treated like the final measurement of sexual success; if you don’t hit that mark, you feel like you’ve failed.
• Also, communication, emotional safety, feeling worthy of pleasure—these play big roles. If someone feels uncomfortable being honest about what they want (or don’t want), or worries about hurting someone else’s feelings, faking becomes an easy, though not fulfilling, workaround.

When Faking Becomes the Quiet Weight
I’ve been there—and I’ve seen it in clients and friends. Faking orgasms isn’t always a betrayal of yourself, but it can be a signal:

• Maybe you’re not feeling seen. Maybe your body, your pleasure, your boundaries aren’t front of mind.
• Maybe the fear of disappointing someone else is louder than your desire to be honored in bed.
• Maybe you’ve bought into the story that “good sex = orgasm or bust,” and anything less is “failure.”

Here’s the thing: when we keep faking, we miss out on what connection could actually feel like—when someone truly listens, when you learn, when you relax enough to say what feels good (or what doesn’t).

What Helps (Because Doing the Work Is Worth It)
If this resonates, here are a few things to try:

1. Start small with honest communication. Don’t assume your partner knows what turns you on. Try saying, “Hey, I’d love it if you touched me this way,” or “This feels good,” or “Not this.” It’s not about shaming or blaming—it’s about clarity and intimacy.
2. Redefine what “good sex” means for you. Maybe orgasm is part of it; maybe it’s closeness, laughter, touch, trust, safety. Let your measure of satisfaction be broad enough to include what really matters to you.
3. Practice self-permission. Permission to feel pleasure. Permission to say no. Permission to take time. To learn. To not orgasm sometimes and still have sex that matters.
4. Cultivate safety + connection. Emotional safety is huge. Trust builds over time, with vulnerability. The more we share what feels good or doesn’t, the more both people can show up real.
5. Turn the pressure down. Maybe stop thinking of each sexual encounter as something that must “succeed” in a certain way. Let mistakes, misfires, awkwardness—and yes, listening—be part of the path.

Why This Matters
Because faking is never just about sex. It can ripple into how we show up in relationships, in work, in our own sense of self. When we feel like we have to perform, we shrink. When we give ourselves space to be real, we grow. Pleasure belongs to you. Your voice belongs to you. Your boundaries, your joy—those aren’t optional.

Remember to be kind to yourself and don’t fake it!!

Photo cred: https://unsplash.com/@markusspiske

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to slip into autopilot. We wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, go to work, hit the gym, scroll on our phones, go to bed—and repeat. It’s comfortable, sure. But after a while, it feels like something’s missing.

I read a piece in Vice where therapist Esther Perel explained that one reason people cheat isn’t always about wanting someone else—it’s about wanting to feel alive again. That hit me. How many of us are “faithful” in our relationships, our routines, and yet completely disconnected from what lights us up?

Routine isn’t sexy. Familiarity can be grounding, but it can also become numbing if we don’t check in with ourselves. Keeping the spark alive in relationships and in life takes more than just “being there.” It’s about feeding your mind, body, and soul. It’s about doing more than existing.

So, here’s my challenge:

• Try something that scares you a little.
• Schedule joy, not just obligations.
• Nurture yourself the way you do your plants, pets, or kids.
• Allow yourself to be surprised.
• You deserve a life that feels alive, not just a list of boxes checked.

Here is the article on Vice if you want to take a deeper dive: https://www.vice.com/en/article/this-is-the-real-reason-people-cheat-according-to-a-sex-therapist/

Remember to be kind to yourself and get out of the routine.
Photo cred: ​https://unsplash.com/@khyeonie18

The topic of body count — how many people someone’s slept with — always stirs up strong opinions. And now, thanks to this Vice article (https://www.vice.com/en/article/this-is-the-ideal-body-count-is-yours-higher-or-lower/), it’s back in the spotlight.

So what is the “ideal” number?
​
According to the article, most people want a partner who’s sexually experienced — but not too experienced. Basically, someone who knows what they’re doing in bed, but hasn’t been with “too many” people.

And honestly? That makes sense.

Let’s be real — we want to be with someone who has confidence, skill, and knows how to please a partner. Someone who’s not fumbling around like it’s their first time… but also hasn’t turned sex into a numbers game.

But here’s where it gets tricky: We’ve been conditioned to judge people for both having too much sex and not enough. Especially women. And that shame? It gets in the way of real connection.

What if instead of asking “What’s your body count?” we asked:
    •    Are you in touch with your own desires?
    •    Can you communicate what feels good — and listen when I do?
    •    Are you open, safe, respectful, and adventurous?

Because let’s be honest… most people don’t really know what they’re doing when it comes to intimacy. They’ve had sex, but they haven’t learned how to connect — physically, emotionally, or energetically. Experience means nothing if it’s not paired with presence.
​
So what’s the real takeaway?
We all need to be a little freer, a little less shameful, and LIVE. Explore. Get to know your body. Learn what turns you on. Release the guilt. Have honest conversations. And stop shaming people — or yourself — for your number.
Because your worth is not defined by your body count. But your growth — your self-awareness, your openness, your capacity to connect — now that is sexy.

Remember to be kind to yourself and LIVE! 
Photo Cred: https://unsplash.com/@version2beta

Let’s talk about something I’ve always believed in — kissing. Not just the passionate kind, but the everyday, small-but-mighty kisses that keep us connected to our partner.

According to a recent Vice article (www.vice.com/en/article/couples-who-skip-this-daily-ritual-are-more-likely-to-fall-apart/), couples who don’t kiss regularly are more likely to experience a breakdown in their relationship. And honestly? I’m not surprised.

Kissing releases oxytocin, often called the love hormone. It’s the same hormone that helps moms bond with their babies, and it’s responsible for that warm, safe, fuzzy feeling we get when we feel close to someone we love. It helps us build trust, reduce stress, and deepen emotional intimacy.

But here's the thing — many couples slowly stop kissing over time. They get caught up in routines, distracted by the stress of work, parenting, or just the general chaos of life. A peck on the cheek becomes optional. A real kiss? Rare.

And yet, that daily kiss — even just 10 seconds of real, present connection — could be the very thing holding your relationship together. It’s not about being overly romantic or dramatic. It’s about the micro-moments that say: “I see you. I choose you. I’m here.”

When I coach clients who feel disconnected in their relationships, one of the first things I ask is: When was the last time you really kissed your partner? Not a quick goodbye, not a distracted smooch. But a true kiss — one where you stop, breathe, and connect.

The Vice article (www.vice.com/en/article/couples-who-skip-this-daily-ritual-are-more-likely-to-fall-apart/) hits on something I’ve seen time and time again — when couples stop kissing, the emotional gap grows. And when kissing comes back? The spark often follows.

So here’s my challenge to you:
Kiss your partner today. Really kiss them.
Not out of habit, but with intention.

You’d be amazed at what a daily kiss can unlock — more affection, better communication, and a renewed sense of closeness. It’s a small act, but it speaks volumes.

Because love isn't just built in the big moments.
It’s built in the daily rituals we choose to keep.

Remember to be kind to yourself.. and get some chapstick. 
Katelyn 

Photo cred: ​https://unsplash.com/@speckfechta

Lately, I’ve had a lot of conversations about boundaries — whether it’s with a friend, a family member, or someone you’re in a “situationship” with.

And let me say this loud and clear: You are allowed to protect your energy.

We often feel guilty for pulling back or saying no — especially when someone has been close to us. But here’s the truth: just because someone used to be in your inner circle doesn’t mean they get a permanent pass to drain you.

There are different levels of closeness in our lives --

• Our inner circle (the ones we share our heart with),
• Acquaintances (friendly, but not deep),
• And then the people we casually interact with — like the barista or the grocery store clerk.

But what happens when someone in your inner circle stops showing up for you — emotionally, mentally, energetically — in the way you show up for them?

Most of us don’t shift that person to a different level.
Instead, we keep giving. Hoping. Over-explaining.
And we end up disappointed. Over and over again.

Here’s where boundaries come in.

According to HelpGuide (www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationshipsn-relationships), setting healthy boundaries means recognizing your limits, communicating them clearly, and protecting your time, energy, and emotional well-being. It’s not about cutting people off to be cold — it’s about deciding what level of access they get based on how they show up.

We need to normalize adjusting someone’s “seat” in our life when they no longer treat us with respect, effort, or care. That doesn’t make you bitter. It makes you wise.

And guess what? You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to you.
Not a friend who flakes.
Not a parent who oversteps.
Not someone you’re dating who wants all the benefits without real commitment.

Boundaries are not walls — they’re filters.
They let in what nourishes you and keep out what drains you.

So here’s your reminder:
If you keep giving energy and time to someone who doesn’t reciprocate — it’s time to take note.
Recenter.
Recalibrate.
And reassign their role in your life if needed.

Because your peace, energy, and emotional clarity are too valuable to waste.

Remember to be kind to yourself and protect your energy!
Katelyn 

Photo cred: ​https://unsplash.com/@erinlarsonphotography

Most men enter relationships with the best intentions. They want to make their partner happy, be the provider, the "man", keep the peace, and avoid unnecessary conflict. But there’s one mistake that many men make—one that slowly chips away at connection, attraction, and intimacy.

The #1 Mistake: Avoiding Emotional Depth

A lot of men believe that as long as they’re showing up, paying the bills, or handling responsibilities, the relationship should be fine. But women don’t just want a provider—they want a partner who is present, engaged in the day to day life, and emotionally connected.

If your partner seems distant, uninterested, or less affectionate, chances are she’s feeling unseen or emotionally disconnected. The good news? You can fix it.

How This Mistake Affects Your Relationship

She Feels Unheard: If she opens up and you shut down, change the subject, or offer a quick solution, she may feel like you don’t truly listen. 

She Starts Pulling Away: When a woman feels emotionally disconnected, her desire for physical intimacy often fades. She starts to detach. 

You Misinterpret Her Needs: If you assume that solving problems is the same as emotional support, you might be missing what she really needs from you. I get it men want a solution, you are problem solvers... but guess what, sometimes the solution is your ears open and mouth closed (too harsh?).

Resentment Builds: If she constantly feels like she’s carrying the emotional weight of the relationship, frustration and resentment can grow.

How to Fix It (Without Losing Your Sense of Masculinity)

1. Listen Without Trying to Solve Everything
When she shares something that’s bothering her, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, say something like:

“That sounds really frustrating. Tell me more about it.” This lets her know that her feelings matter to you.

2. Share What’s on Your Mind
A common misconception is that men should keep emotions bottled up to stay strong. But real strength comes from being open. You don’t have to pour your heart out 24/7, but small moments of vulnerability create deep trust. Sometimes this can just be opening up about your day. 

3. Make Her Feel Seen and Valued
Women want to feel chosen every day, not just in the beginning. Compliment her, show appreciation, and remind her why you fell for her in the first place. A simple “I love how passionate you are about [insert her interest]” can go a long way.

4. Lead With Confidence and Presence
Being emotionally available doesn’t mean being passive. It means leading with confidence—making decisions, planning dates, and staying engaged in the relationship. A woman feels safe when she knows you’re present, aware, and engaged.

Final Thoughts: Small Shifts, Big Impact
The biggest mistake men make in relationships isn’t about money, looks, or status—it’s about emotional connection. The men who have the best relationships aren’t necessarily the richest or best-looking—they’re the ones who show up fully for their partner.

If you’re ready to level up your relationship, deepen your connection, and bring back the spark, I can help. Book a one-on-one coaching session today.

Remember to be kind yo yourself and PLEASE be emotionally available for your partner LOL 
Photo cred: https://unsplash.com/@barbaris778

So you felt the chemistry in your relationship.. The connection was strong. But lately, something’s off. She seems distant, uninterested, maybe even pulling away. You’re left wondering: What happened?

The truth is, attraction isn’t just about looks or what you say—it’s about how you make her feel. If she’s losing interest, it’s likely because something in the relationship has shifted, and she’s not feeling as connected, desired, or appreciated as before. But don’t panic—this doesn’t mean the spark is gone for good. Let’s break down why she might be losing interest and what you can do to turn things around.

Why She’s Losing Interest

1. Routine Has Replaced Excitement
Early on, everything was new. You made an effort. You planned dates, flirted, and surprised her. Over time, things like that fall to the way side. So life has now become predictable, and she might feel like the passion has faded. My go to saying is "Routine isn't sexy!".

2. She Feels Unseen or Unappreciated
Women crave emotional connection and recognition. If she’s putting in effort and feels like it’s going unnoticed, she may start withdrawing. Small gestures, a wink, or shoot her some compliments. A genuine appreciation can go a long way here fellas! 

3. Lack of Emotional Connection
Sexual attraction thrives on emotional intimacy. If conversations have become surface-level or you’ve stopped checking in on her feelings, she may start feeling disconnected. If the connection feels cold, word of advice here - she feels the cold.

4. Neglecting Your Own Growth
Confidence, ambition, and self-improvement are attractive. If you’ve stopped prioritizing yourself—your goals, fitness, or passions—it can make the relationship feel stagnant. We want to see our partners in their element, stay true to you. 

5. She’s Feeling More Like a Friend Than a Lover
If the relationship has fallen into a “roommate” dynamic—more logistics and to-do lists than flirting and fun—she might be missing that romantic spark.

How to Reignite the Spark

1. Bring Back Playfulness & Flirting
This is where I challenge you to go back to the dating stage in your relationship. Send a teasing text, or tell her how good she smelled or looked this morning. Whisper something unexpected in her ear, or brush past her in the kitchen or hallway, look at her in her eyes. Show her you see her. And don't forget to be silly! Silly is sexy, so make sure to keep the playful energy alive.

2. Surprise Her (In Small but Meaningful Ways)
You don’t have to plan a grand gesture—small, thoughtful surprises can have a big impact. A spontaneous date, a heartfelt note, or an unexpected compliment can reignite excitement. This one is so easy but can really go a mile to her heart. 

3. Prioritize Quality Time (Without Distractions)
Put down the phone. Make eye contact. Listen to her. Whether it’s a date night or just a deep conversation, giving her your full attention makes her feel valued. Even going on spontaneous walk or going to the park, a way to get moving together and talk.

4. Focus on Your Own Confidence & Growth
Confidence is sexy. Work on yourself—hit the gym, pursue your goals, challenge yourself. When you feel good about yourself, it naturally makes you more attractive to her.

5. Reconnect Emotionally
Ask deeper questions. Share something personal. Show genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings. Emotional connection fuels passion and intimacy. Let the fear go and open up.

6. Turn Up the Physical Intimacy (Outside the Bedroom)
Hold her hand. Kiss her for no reason. Touch her back as you walk past. Non-sexual physical connection builds anticipation and makes her feel desired. This builds oxytocin - the love hormone. We all need more love, so get to touchin! 

My Final Thoughts: She Wants to Feel Chosen

At the end of the day, she wants to feel wanted, appreciated, and connected—just like you do. If she’s losing interest, don’t panic. Instead, use this as an opportunity to show up differently and make her feel special again.

Want personalized guidance on how to reconnect with your partner and build a stronger, more passionate relationship? Let’s talk.

Book a one-on-one Coaching session today.

Remember to be kind to yourself and keep it sexy!! LOL 
Photo cred: ​https://unsplash.com/@ericjamesward

Struggles with intimacy and connection can happen to anyone, whether you’re in a relationship that’s lost its spark, navigating life after divorce, or frustrated with dating. These challenges can feel isolating—but you don’t have to face them alone.

For the past six years, I’ve worked with men and women to rebuild their confidence, improve intimacy, and create meaningful, lasting connections. While much of my focus is on helping men aged 30 to 60, my coaching is open to anyone looking to strengthen their relationships or prepare for lasting love.

Through my one-on-one love and wellness coaching, I provide the tools and support to help you:

• Reignite Passion: Whether it’s a long-term relationship or a new one, learn how to bring connection and excitement back.
• Boost Stamina and Confidence: Feel more in control and capable in every aspect of your intimate life.
• Create Meaningful Connections: Build relationships that are fulfilling and built to last.

What sets my coaching apart?

• Judgment-Free Support: There’s no shame here—just a safe, encouraging space to grow.
• Private, Confidential Sessions: We’ll connect over the phone, making it easier to open up and focus on your goals.
• Real, Lasting Results: In just a few months, you can experience transformative growth in your confidence and relationships.

If you’ve hesitated to reach out for help, know that change is possible. You deserve a fulfilling, passionate love life, and I’m here to guide you every step of the way.

Commplete my FREE Assessment, and we can schedule a complimentary phone call to discuss how I can help transform your relationships and love life.

Remember to be kind to yourself and get some love back into your life! 
​
Photo cred: https://unsplash.com/@towfiqu999999

Have you heard about the "We Listen and We Don’t Judge" challenge trending on social media? It’s a practice that’s opening the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships by encouraging couples to share openly without fear of judgment. This era of communication is powerful—I call it the “We Listen and We Don’t Judge” era—but let’s be honest, it can also feel nerve-wracking.

Why? Because when your partner opens up about their past, it can be hard not to let that information shape how you view them in the present. We’ve all made mistakes, faced challenges, and carried baggage. And while unpacking those bags is necessary for growth, it’s important to remember that those experiences don’t define who someone is today.

We All Have a Past
Think about it: would you want to be judged for something you did years ago? Probably not. The same grace we extend to ourselves needs to be given to our partners. Yes, it’s natural to feel surprised or even unsettled by what you hear, but judging someone for their past is like trying to carry every piece of baggage onto a night flight—it’s unnecessary and exhausting.
Instead, focus on the fact that your partner chose you. They’ve worked through their weeds, and you are the flower they’ve decided to cherish. Sure, some weeds might have been “pokier” or thornier than others, but at the end of the day, they were just weeds. You’re the flower here, the one who matters now.

Growth Through Understanding
The truth is, our past experiences shape us, but they don’t define us. There will be memories and stories that stick with you, and that’s okay. Growth often requires us to face discomfort and move through it together. In a relationship, that means learning how to hold space for each other’s truths without letting them create walls between you.
I often remind my single clients, “You have to go through a lot of weeds to get to the flower.” That’s true not just for dating but for building strong, lasting connections. Listening without judgment is part of the process. It’s not about ignoring the past; it’s about acknowledging it, learning from it, and choosing to move forward with love and understanding.

How to Embrace the Challenge

1. Set the Stage for Vulnerability: Create a safe, judgment-free zone where both of you feel comfortable sharing.
2. Acknowledge Your Biases: Be aware of any judgments or preconceived notions that might arise. Remind yourself that your partner’s past is not a reflection of their worth today.
3. Focus on the Now: Your relationship is about who you are together in the present, not the baggage you’ve both left behind.
4. Communicate with Love: When something from the past comes up, approach the conversation with empathy and curiosity, not criticism.
5. Celebrate the Growth: Recognize that every step in this process is helping you both grow closer and stronger.

Final Thoughts
Stepping into the “We Listen and We Don’t Judge” era is an act of courage and love. It’s about choosing to see your partner for who they are today, not who they were yesterday. It’s about finding beauty in the flower, not getting stuck on the thorns of the past.

So, are you ready to take the challenge? Because the reward—a relationship built on trust, understanding, and unconditional love—is absolutely worth it.

Remember to be kind to yourself... and don't judge! 
Photo Cred: https://unsplash.com/@krakenimages

We all know that weekends offer a refreshing break from the workweek, allowing us to relax and be more present. But did you know that the same principle might apply to your love life? A recent study sheds light on how often we should be having sex for optimal well-being, and the findings are both intriguing and actionable.




1. The Power of Presence
One key takeaway from the study is the importance of being mentally and emotionally present during intimate moments. Much like how weekends give us a chance to unwind and focus on what really matters, being in the right mindset can significantly enhance the quality of our sexual experiences. When we're not preoccupied with work or stress, we're more likely to enjoy and savor these moments.

2. The Connection Between Porn and Sexual Satisfaction
Interestingly, the study also touches on how our consumption of porn can impact our sexual enjoyment. It turns out that those who frequently engage with explicit content might find their sexual experiences more satisfying. This is likely because their minds are primed and their 'engines' are revved up. However, it's important to note that this doesn’t mean porn is a substitute for real-life intimacy.

3. The Impact of Frequency on Relationships and Health
Another crucial insight from the study is the relationship between sexual frequency and overall well-being. People who engage in sexual activity at least once a week tend to experience better relationship satisfaction and physical health. This frequency seems to be a sweet spot that balances emotional connection and physical benefits.

4. Heart Health and Sexual Health: An Intricate Connection
The study also highlights a fascinating connection: what’s good for the heart is often good for the penis. Engaging in regular sexual activity is linked with cardiovascular health, demonstrating that our sexual well-being is intertwined with our overall physical health. It’s a reminder that maintaining a healthy sex life is not just about pleasure but also about nurturing our bodies.

In summary, this study underscores the importance of both the frequency and quality of our intimate moments. Whether it's the mental clarity of a weekend or the physical benefits of regular sexual activity, staying present and engaged in our love lives is crucial for our overall well-being. So, take a moment to appreciate the connection between heart and libido, and maybe even schedule a few more date nights!

For more details on the study and its findings, check out the full article on the New York Post here: nypost.com/2024/09/12/lifestyle/the-ideal-amount-of-time-to-spend-having-sex-revealed-in-new-study/

Remember to be kind to your self and get it on! 
Katelyn 

​Photo Cred: Nicole Bomar: https://unsplash.com/@nicolebomar