Blog of Love

There’s a Vice article I read recently called “The Real Reason Women Fake Orgasms” that got me thinking. https://www.vice.com/en/article/the-real-reason-women-fake-orgasms/?fbclid=IwQ0xDSwL95hpleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHr1YACrEvgFhqznetLXiwGAESf5P4Wu8Tf8qT9bYcUKWUyNoDyjF_7H-irfq_aem_30VyzdhgSyaYtKGbijCQtg

It’s not just about sex or performance—there’s so much more under the surface: shame, pressure, self-worth, miscommunication.

I want to share some thoughts because I believe when we bring those hidden reasons into the light, we free ourselves to have more honest, connected, satisfying sex. And life.

What the Article Reveals

• Women often fake orgasms because they feel pressure to meet expectations—whether from partners, or internal expectations of what “good sex” should look like.
• It’s not always about their partner’s skills or desire. Sometimes the issue is that orgasms are treated like the final measurement of sexual success; if you don’t hit that mark, you feel like you’ve failed.
• Also, communication, emotional safety, feeling worthy of pleasure—these play big roles. If someone feels uncomfortable being honest about what they want (or don’t want), or worries about hurting someone else’s feelings, faking becomes an easy, though not fulfilling, workaround.

When Faking Becomes the Quiet Weight
I’ve been there—and I’ve seen it in clients and friends. Faking orgasms isn’t always a betrayal of yourself, but it can be a signal:

• Maybe you’re not feeling seen. Maybe your body, your pleasure, your boundaries aren’t front of mind.
• Maybe the fear of disappointing someone else is louder than your desire to be honored in bed.
• Maybe you’ve bought into the story that “good sex = orgasm or bust,” and anything less is “failure.”

Here’s the thing: when we keep faking, we miss out on what connection could actually feel like—when someone truly listens, when you learn, when you relax enough to say what feels good (or what doesn’t).

What Helps (Because Doing the Work Is Worth It)
If this resonates, here are a few things to try:

1. Start small with honest communication. Don’t assume your partner knows what turns you on. Try saying, “Hey, I’d love it if you touched me this way,” or “This feels good,” or “Not this.” It’s not about shaming or blaming—it’s about clarity and intimacy.
2. Redefine what “good sex” means for you. Maybe orgasm is part of it; maybe it’s closeness, laughter, touch, trust, safety. Let your measure of satisfaction be broad enough to include what really matters to you.
3. Practice self-permission. Permission to feel pleasure. Permission to say no. Permission to take time. To learn. To not orgasm sometimes and still have sex that matters.
4. Cultivate safety + connection. Emotional safety is huge. Trust builds over time, with vulnerability. The more we share what feels good or doesn’t, the more both people can show up real.
5. Turn the pressure down. Maybe stop thinking of each sexual encounter as something that must “succeed” in a certain way. Let mistakes, misfires, awkwardness—and yes, listening—be part of the path.

Why This Matters
Because faking is never just about sex. It can ripple into how we show up in relationships, in work, in our own sense of self. When we feel like we have to perform, we shrink. When we give ourselves space to be real, we grow. Pleasure belongs to you. Your voice belongs to you. Your boundaries, your joy—those aren’t optional.

Remember to be kind to yourself and don’t fake it!!

Photo cred: https://unsplash.com/@markusspiske

Let’s talk about something I’ve always believed in — kissing. Not just the passionate kind, but the everyday, small-but-mighty kisses that keep us connected to our partner.

According to a recent Vice article (www.vice.com/en/article/couples-who-skip-this-daily-ritual-are-more-likely-to-fall-apart/), couples who don’t kiss regularly are more likely to experience a breakdown in their relationship. And honestly? I’m not surprised.

Kissing releases oxytocin, often called the love hormone. It’s the same hormone that helps moms bond with their babies, and it’s responsible for that warm, safe, fuzzy feeling we get when we feel close to someone we love. It helps us build trust, reduce stress, and deepen emotional intimacy.

But here's the thing — many couples slowly stop kissing over time. They get caught up in routines, distracted by the stress of work, parenting, or just the general chaos of life. A peck on the cheek becomes optional. A real kiss? Rare.

And yet, that daily kiss — even just 10 seconds of real, present connection — could be the very thing holding your relationship together. It’s not about being overly romantic or dramatic. It’s about the micro-moments that say: “I see you. I choose you. I’m here.”

When I coach clients who feel disconnected in their relationships, one of the first things I ask is: When was the last time you really kissed your partner? Not a quick goodbye, not a distracted smooch. But a true kiss — one where you stop, breathe, and connect.

The Vice article (www.vice.com/en/article/couples-who-skip-this-daily-ritual-are-more-likely-to-fall-apart/) hits on something I’ve seen time and time again — when couples stop kissing, the emotional gap grows. And when kissing comes back? The spark often follows.

So here’s my challenge to you:
Kiss your partner today. Really kiss them.
Not out of habit, but with intention.

You’d be amazed at what a daily kiss can unlock — more affection, better communication, and a renewed sense of closeness. It’s a small act, but it speaks volumes.

Because love isn't just built in the big moments.
It’s built in the daily rituals we choose to keep.

Remember to be kind to yourself.. and get some chapstick. 
Katelyn 

Photo cred: ​https://unsplash.com/@speckfechta

Lately, I’ve had a lot of conversations about boundaries — whether it’s with a friend, a family member, or someone you’re in a “situationship” with.

And let me say this loud and clear: You are allowed to protect your energy.

We often feel guilty for pulling back or saying no — especially when someone has been close to us. But here’s the truth: just because someone used to be in your inner circle doesn’t mean they get a permanent pass to drain you.

There are different levels of closeness in our lives --

• Our inner circle (the ones we share our heart with),
• Acquaintances (friendly, but not deep),
• And then the people we casually interact with — like the barista or the grocery store clerk.

But what happens when someone in your inner circle stops showing up for you — emotionally, mentally, energetically — in the way you show up for them?

Most of us don’t shift that person to a different level.
Instead, we keep giving. Hoping. Over-explaining.
And we end up disappointed. Over and over again.

Here’s where boundaries come in.

According to HelpGuide (www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationshipsn-relationships), setting healthy boundaries means recognizing your limits, communicating them clearly, and protecting your time, energy, and emotional well-being. It’s not about cutting people off to be cold — it’s about deciding what level of access they get based on how they show up.

We need to normalize adjusting someone’s “seat” in our life when they no longer treat us with respect, effort, or care. That doesn’t make you bitter. It makes you wise.

And guess what? You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to you.
Not a friend who flakes.
Not a parent who oversteps.
Not someone you’re dating who wants all the benefits without real commitment.

Boundaries are not walls — they’re filters.
They let in what nourishes you and keep out what drains you.

So here’s your reminder:
If you keep giving energy and time to someone who doesn’t reciprocate — it’s time to take note.
Recenter.
Recalibrate.
And reassign their role in your life if needed.

Because your peace, energy, and emotional clarity are too valuable to waste.

Remember to be kind to yourself and protect your energy!
Katelyn 

Photo cred: ​https://unsplash.com/@erinlarsonphotography

Struggles with intimacy and connection can happen to anyone, whether you’re in a relationship that’s lost its spark, navigating life after divorce, or frustrated with dating. These challenges can feel isolating—but you don’t have to face them alone.

For the past six years, I’ve worked with men and women to rebuild their confidence, improve intimacy, and create meaningful, lasting connections. While much of my focus is on helping men aged 30 to 60, my coaching is open to anyone looking to strengthen their relationships or prepare for lasting love.

Through my one-on-one love and wellness coaching, I provide the tools and support to help you:

• Reignite Passion: Whether it’s a long-term relationship or a new one, learn how to bring connection and excitement back.
• Boost Stamina and Confidence: Feel more in control and capable in every aspect of your intimate life.
• Create Meaningful Connections: Build relationships that are fulfilling and built to last.

What sets my coaching apart?

• Judgment-Free Support: There’s no shame here—just a safe, encouraging space to grow.
• Private, Confidential Sessions: We’ll connect over the phone, making it easier to open up and focus on your goals.
• Real, Lasting Results: In just a few months, you can experience transformative growth in your confidence and relationships.

If you’ve hesitated to reach out for help, know that change is possible. You deserve a fulfilling, passionate love life, and I’m here to guide you every step of the way.

Commplete my FREE Assessment, and we can schedule a complimentary phone call to discuss how I can help transform your relationships and love life.

Remember to be kind to yourself and get some love back into your life! 
​
Photo cred: https://unsplash.com/@towfiqu999999

​Kegel exercises aren't just for pregnant women. They help everyone and can be a form of meditation and being in the moment. Very important for the mind and body!  

For men, it can help with incontinence and help get a stronger erection. It also helps with the control of your erection. Do I have your attention yet? 

It helps with incontinence and pelvic pain for women - either chronic pain, pain during sex, and menstrual cramping or vaginismus. Women who have had children tend to lack feeling down in the pelvic region throughout the years after bearing a child. Also check out my blog on Kegel Balls. 

One way to do an easy Kegel are knowing what muscles to use. One of the muscles you use is the muscle you use when you go pee and you stop peeing midstream. Next time you go pee, try it. 

Here is a tip to do a Kegel: Hold the Kegel for about 6 seconds, then release slowly for 6 seconds and repeat for about 4 to 6 times a day. You can do Kegels while you're on the phone, typing, doing your work or homework, or waiting in line at the grocery store (and no one will know). 

The more you do these, the stronger you will make your pelvic floor, which means stronger orgasms and more feeling in the vagina and penis! (all good things) 

Here are some excellent video how-to guides if you haven't been exposed to Kegel exercises before.

• How to do Kegels for men
• How to do Kegels for women

Before I had a hysterectomy, I had the privilege of going to a pelvic floor physical therapist. And it was an eye-opening experience. She was able to help me prepare for surgery and able to rehab me once the surgery was completed. So if you really have any problems in your pelvic region, I would highly encourage seeing a Pelvic Floor PT. They can give you lifelong techniques that can greatly impact your pelvic floor health. 

Here is an article from Femina.com where they talk about the "4 Reasons You Should Start Doing Kegels Regularly". A MUST-READ! 

Remember to be kind to yourself and do a Kegel! 

Photo: We-Vibe WOW Tech

​So you know how coconut water is amazing for keeping us hydrated and has several nutrients our bodies need to keep healthy? 

Well, what if I were to tell you...

The motto prepping me for surgery and this new journey was: If you set your mind to the goal, you can make anything happen. Our only limitation is ourselves. So I wanted to free myself from all the ropes holding me back. I came to find out that a lot of the ropes I have that hold me back are the ropes I tied I, where there's challenge comes change... and thats the beautiful uncomfortable feeling of growth! 

So as I got closer to my surgery date, I turned into a "hippy warrior" LOL I worked on a lot of energy with my mind and body. 

To prep my mind, I would clear and clean my environment. Meaning I deep cleaned my house regularly and would clear my energy around my home. I have always been into the "hippy" stuff with crystals and meditation. So that was easy to prep my mind and get into the higher vibrations of life. First, I would smudge my house with sage that I grew. Then, I would burn it with the doors and windows open and release all the negative energy and politely excuse it out of my house. Yeah, it might sound weird... but man, does it work! 

To prep, my body I was going to pelvic floor Physical Therapy (PT). For me, one of my biggest joys and stress relief is riding my bike, which I haven't been able to do most of 2021 without extreme pain. Finding out most of my pain was due to my pelvic floor muscles being so tight. So I was super excited to learn about pelvic floor PT. 

I started going about a month before surgery. At first, it was super difficult and would cause cramping and bleeding, but I pushed through. My PT said if it got too much to contact my doctor, but I felt like it was Felicia's way of fighting the process (man did she give me hell the last month before she was gone!). The bleeding eventually lightened and the cramping started to lessen each week. In addition, I noticed that I could do many of the exercises while driving or watching TV or on the computer, which made it super convenient. By the third week, my PT was very impressed with my progress in releasing my tension. 

I would advocate for anyone to see a Pelvic Floor PT if you ever have any pain or discomfort during sex or just day-to-day pain in the pelvic area. It's so strange to me that it's not talked about more! They can show you basic things like - how we stand, cough or even the way we breathe can be incorrect and that your upper abdominal muscles can really take over your whole lower abdominals, and thats not how it should be. As women, we are told to suck in our stomachs and sit up straight, blah, blah. But in PT, I found the looser I kept my stomach, the better it was for my pelvic floor to release (mind blown?!)!

The exercises I liked in PT were any of the pelvic floor releases. But one of my favorite techniques is sitting on a stability ball. Here's a video about it on Youtube.

Here is the ball I bought off Amazon. 

Another thing I did for my body was working on my diet, So I went vegan five weeks before surgery and continued for four weeks after surgery. But it wasn't just vegan. I also cut out all grains, sugar, and drinking alcohol. It was somewhat hard to get on track with low blood sugar, so I got real, local honey and would eat some of that when I felt more on the hypoglycemic side. I also researched healthy things vegans need to eat to have all the suitable types of nutrients in their diet. My friend, a nutritionist, let me know of a shake mix that has all the nutrients we need while on a vegan diet. Here are all the shake ingredients I used for the vegan shake: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3HXLM6DA8MBGL?ref_=wl_share 

I also mix this with oat or almond milk, one banana, 1 cup frozen berries, and a little honey!

Some days, I would eat one shake in the morning and one in the afternoon, with a few small meals throughout the day, also drinking one gallon of water. And some days, when I would have more of a lazy day around the house, not going many places, I would eat four of the shakes a day and a gallon of water. A tip for the shake would be to put a handful of berries or a banana in it and chug the shake when you drink it because it has a lot of the super greens, which can be unpleasant to taste LOL. 

I started the vegan shakes at the beginning of September, and by the middle of the month, I dropped 10 pounds and felt great, and my skin looked so clear!! 

Now you might think, "how the hell can you just live off veggies and fruit?!" well, for me, it was a pretty easy transition. I have always been pretty strict on my diet because I have many food allergies (corn and wheat, which are in about 80% of all processed foods) and never really "loved" meat - so the vegan way was somewhat of an easy switch. 


Now, the whole last month wasn't cupcakes and rainbows. Felicia was giving me a run for my money! I bled the majority of the last several months, which didn't help to be vegan (lose of iron), and I was mourning the soon-to-be loss of my women hood. Somedays, I was a wreck. But you know I let it happen. When I wanted to cry, I DID! When I wanted to be happy, I DID! ​

There was one incident that I broke down for that I didn't see coming. It was the day I had to put my last NuvaRing in (birth control). If you remember, I have had to increase the birth control to every three weeks rather than five weeks (the normal dose). So I thought it would be any like any other time changing out the ring. But when I opened the new package, I felt so taken back that this was the last birth control package I would open. This is the last birth control I would use. I now do not have to prevent myself from having a child. It was a heartbreaking moment, but I let myself feel bad for myself. I let it out and cried. But by the end of the weak moment, I told myself, "it's going to be okay, and we are going to be so much better for it. You are not defined by not having children! And we do not need these synthetic hormones in our body!". 


"Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else" - Fred Rogers


Next up... surgery day!!